Menchi Munchies
by Diviana Foresman
Summary: Excel becomes hungry and goes out to find Menchi with Hyatt's help.


Menchi Munchies  
  
April 29, 2003  
  
Diviana Foresman  
  
***  
  
translations : Sempai is a suffix used for respect to someone who has a higher rank. It's usually translated as something along the lines of upperclassmen, but it's not just for school or age. Ann Miller is a restaraunt in Japan whose American equivelent would be Hooters due to the uniforms, or lack thereof... They're just about on every street corner, too.  
  
authour's notes : Uh, yeah... I wrote this during finals, okay? I was tired and getting a writer's cramp in my hand (because I actually wrote this on paper first [*gasp*] ) and the amount of blood in my caffeine system was dangerously low... ^^  
  
Anyway, Excel Saga isn't mine, but Menchi is. Hah! Rikdo said I could have him! Nyanya [*sticks out tongue*] He said, and I quote, "I, Rikdo, hereby give permission for Menchi to belong to Div." So hah! [*runs off doing a victoury dance with a happy little furball foodstash*]  
  
Oh, and uh, sorry for the grossness. I just think it's funny... bloody tea... heh... ^^  
  
***  
  
"So hungry," Excel mumbled, crawling out of bed. She managed to get to the kitchen without tripping over any of the piles of junk laying around the apartment.  
  
Hyatt was sitting at the table nursing a cup of tea. "Good morning, Excel- sempai," she said and began coughing up blood. She smiled up at the blond.  
  
"... Food..." Excel replied, drooling as she dragged herself over and searched through the empty cabinets. "So very hungry... must eat..." She collasped to the floor and began flopping around, moaning. "I know!" she cried all of a sudden. "Where's that no-good emergency food stash Menchi?"  
  
Excel leapt up and scrambled around the apartment looking for Menchi. "Where are you," she sang, flipping over the couch. "C'mere you stupid dog!" she shrieked. "I'm hungry!" The tiny white dog did not appear.  
  
"Um, Excel-sempai," Hyatt said quietly, as the blond threw open the window and hung out, looking for the dog on the roof. "Menchi has gone away."  
  
"Wha?!" Excel fell over, legs in the air. Hyatt sipped her watered-down tea. "No! Where is he?!" Excel grabbed her shoulders and shook her until she splattered blood all over. "Tell me where my food is!" Hyatt slumped to the floor in a puddle of blood. "I'm hungry!!" Excel fisted her hands and stomped her foot, pouting.  
  
Hyatt used her elbows to get across the room. She picked up the phone book and held it out. "Here, Excel-sempai,"  
  
"What is this?"  
  
"To help you [*cough*] find Menchi..."  
  
"Oh! Okay!" Excel sat down and flipped open the thick book. Hyatt smiled and went limp.The blond looked under 'm', reading aloud. "Menchi's! Yes! The great Excel will starve no more!"  
  
Hyatt managed to follow her out the door, but keeled over as soon as they reached the stairs. She tumbled down the steps, blood dripping out of the corner of her mouth. "Come on!" Excel demanded, at the bottom of the staircase, tapping her foot impatiently.  
  
"Sorry, Excel-sempai," She crawled over and they made their way down the main street, the blond carrying the phone book for the address and map.  
  
"I am so hungry and that little rat'll never see what's comin' to him!" She grinned wolfishly.  
  
"Yes, Excel-sempai,"  
  
***  
  
They stood in front of a squat building. The sign over the open sliding doors read, "Menchi's." Excel's eyes lit up and she ran in, pulling an Uzi out of hammer-space. "Where are you, Menchi? I've come for my emergency food stash!"  
  
Hyatt walked in calmly behind her, then stopped and smiled. "Excel-sempai, perhaps we've read the sign wrong..."  
  
They were standing in a restaraunt with red carpeting. Wall scrolls hung from the rafters and the waitresses were wearing the usual Anne Miller uniforms. The two girls stood blankly as one of the waitresses came up to them. "Welcome to Menchi's!" She smiled. "Come, I'll show you to your seats!"  
  
Excel grinned. "Food! Yum!" She skipped behind the black-haired waitress with Hyatt following at a slower pace. When they reached the table in the corner the waitress bounded off in a string of questions.  
  
"I'm Kimiko! I'll be your server for today! Would you like to order your drinks now?! Or would you like to wait for your food?! Would you like to see the menu?!"  
  
"Um," Hyatt replied quietly, coughing up blood as she slid down into the cushion on the floor. "Menu please..."  
  
"Okie dokie!" Kimiko floundered off, leaving two scrolls on the table. "I'll be back in a bit!"  
  
"Excel-sempai," Hyatt began thoughtfully as she unrolled the menu to read it. "I think that you have met your match..." She blinked. "Excel-sempai?" She ducked her head under the short table to see the blond Across agent drooling over a picture of fish. Hyatt sighed. "Forgive me, Excel-sempai, but I must say... wouldn't you rather eat real food than a painting?"  
  
Excel jumped up. "Food!" She grabbed for a menu, taking the one Hyatt had unrolled. Hyatt calmly took the other and they looked over the menu.  
  
"Menchi?!"  
  
"Well, yes, Excel-sempai. What did you think they would serve?"  
  
"But... but..." Excel stared dumb-foundedly at the menu. "Boiled Menchi..." Excel read slowly. "Barbeque Menchi... broiled Menchi... Menchi fillets... Menchi ribs...!"  
  
Kimiko came up again. "You ready to order now?!"  
  
"Um... I would like to know what exactly is in this... uh... Menchi milkshake..." Hyatt answered.  
  
"Menchi and milkshakes! What else?!"  
  
"Menchi pizza... Menchi muffins... Menchi on a stick?!" Excel cried out.  
  
"I think I will have tea," Hyatt continued, ignoring her partner.  
  
"Alright! Will that be extra watery or extra bloody Menchi tea?!" Hyatt blinked.  
  
"Menchi ramen... Mechi cupcakes... Menchi cubes in miso...!"  
  
"Watery. Thank you." Hyatt smiled apologetically.  
  
"And what will your friend have?!"  
  
"Menchi in a cone... Menchi lollipops... pan-fried Menchi...!"  
  
"Just water, thanks," Hyatt replied, shaking her head as Excel drooled over the menu.  
  
"Okie dokie! I'll be right back!" Kimiko bouced out of sight.  
  
"Menchi burgers... Menchi steak... Menchi chops...!"  
  
"Excel-sempai, I ordered you a glass of water. With all that drooling you've done in the past six minutes, I believe you're going to need it." Hyatt leaned forward, whispering, as she wiped the blood from her lip with a napkin.  
  
"Menchi pie... Menchi omeletts... Menchi eggs...!"  
  
"Excel-sempai, are you even listening to me?" Hyatt asked.  
  
"Chilled Menchi brains... Menchi legs... Menchi souffle...!"  
  
"Excel-sempai!"  
  
The blond seemed to melt in her seat as she ignored Hyatt. "Frozen Menchi pops... smoked Menchi... Menchi liver and onions..."  
  
"Excel-[*cough*]sempai [*gag*]!"  
  
"And Menchi roast... Menchi stew... Menchi giblets...!"  
  
"Excel-sempai..." Hyatt fell over sideways on the pillows, hacking up blood.  
  
"Menchi a la mode...Menchi kebobs... Menchi fruit salad...!" The blond blinked. "Yes! Excel want it all!" She drooled as Kimiko came up with their drinks.  
  
"Hi! You two ready to order?!"  
  
"Menchi with rice and Menchi eyes and Menchi in pineapple sauce...!" Excel nodded emphatically. "and... the vegetarian Menchi dish - "  
  
Hyatt smiled, wiping the trail of blood from her lips with a napkin. "I think we'll have a little of everything. Will that do, Excel-sempai?"  
  
"Menchi... mhh..."  
  
"Okie dokie!" Kimiko bounced off happily.  
  
Hyatt smiled. "I take it you like Menchi meat, Excle-sempai?"  
  
"Well... actually, Excel's never had Menchi before!" Hyatt sweatdropped, her smile pasted on as she blinked. The blond grinned evilly. "'Bout time that good-for-nothin' dog becomes useful!" As if agreeing, her stomach gave a loud, rumbling growl.  
  
"Well..." Hyatt remarked, not really knowing what to say.  
  
Kimiko came up with trays balancing on each hand and one on her head. "Appetizers!"  
  
"Yippie! Excel's hungry!" She accented that last word as she lunged across the table to grab a plate from the waitress.  
  
Hyatt smiled polietly at Kimiko as she left and daintily took up a plate of what looked like pasta. It was two and a half hours later, that Excel realized eating quickly was not a good thing to do.  
  
"Uh..." She patted her ballooned stomach as she leaned back against the wall. Rice was sticking to her hair, hoisin and sweet-n-sour sauce dripping off her chin. Ramen noodles hung from her collar, soba noodles actually falling out the front of her shirt. Stacks off empty dishes sat beside her as she groaned again. "Excel not think this was such a good idea..."  
  
Hyatt, sitting across the table blinked, trying to swallow the last bite of food on her plate. "Excel-sempai," she said quietly, "I am afraid I cannot finish my sukiyaki..." She suddenly coughed up blood, fortunately getting it all into an empty bowl. Hyatt dabbed at her lips with a napkin. "I believe it is time we leave before Miss Kimiko brings more food..."  
  
"Ah," The waitress smiled as she came up behind her. "I bear no more food," she said, "only the bill!" She passed it along to Hyatt and grinned, then bounced out of sight.  
  
The purple-haired girl groaned. "Excel-sempai... I believe we have a problem..."  
  
The blond just groaned some more.  
  
***  
  
"Stupid [*crash*] white [*thud*] emergency food stash [*clang*] ain't good [*shatter*] for nothin'!" Excel mumbled.  
  
Hyatt smiled a little. "I'm sorry, Excel-sempai..." A loud thump sounded as Excel dropped the newly cleaned and dried plate in the pile with the rest. "I'm afraid I didn't know the bill was going to be so much..."  
  
The blonde girl didn't even hear her as she took the bowl from Hyatt and dried it with a washrag. "Can't believe [*thud*] that stupid dog [*crash*] is making us work [*clang*]!"  
  
Hyatt just shook her head, wiping the blood from her lip with the rag she was using to wash the restaraunt's dishes with. The manager simply glared at Excel. "Break anymore bowls and you'll be in here even longer."  
  
And Menchi just giggled from his corner as he watched.  
  
***  
  
owari  
  
*** 


End file.
